Searching for the Purpose of the Church

Back in May, I attended my first home school conference ever.  I sat in on a lot of interesting sessions ranging from Jim Weiss' fabulous storytelling to Christian worldview to couponing to writing & education with one of my favorite speakers, Andrew Pudewa.  The most thought-provoking one was a presentation by Mark Fox, pastor of Antioch Community Church in Elon, NC.

Pastor Fox spoke of the need for families' spiritual growth to be led by the father, and he painted a picture of what it is like inside of a family-integrated church.  He described the families worshiping together, the closeness of the members, and the high calling of the elders and deacons in seeking God's direction for the church.  He also shared the devastating statistics about how the majority of youth leave their church after high school (Lifeway 2007, Barna 2006), and the fact that in family-integrated churches, this rarely happens.  Pastor Fox has seen 1 walk away from the faith since 1987.


I had heard about "family church" and "home church" and thought that I knew what they were all about, but this did not fit the stereotype.  They actually do reach outside of themselves!

For a long while, my spirit had been crying out for things it didn't know it was missing.  I didn't feel like I was experiencing much of what Pastor Fox was describing and this contributed to the uneasiness that had been growing in me knowing that God has something more for my family and wondered what it was and where to find it.

I bought and read Pastor Fox's book, "The Family-Integrated Church," and this also sparked a lot of questions -one of the major questions being, "What DID God design the church to do?"  What is it's purpose?

Ephesians 4:11-13 (NIV) So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. 

• NKJV "equipping of the saints for the work of ministry" 

• CEB "to equip God’s people for the work of serving and building up the body of Christ"

• NASB "for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ"

• KJV "For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ"

• AMP "His intention was the perfecting and the full equipping of the saints (His consecrated people), [that they should do] the work of ministering toward building up Christ's body (the church)"

  (Sorry, I don't do Greek -just BibleGateway.com)

That's it?  Equipping people for ministry?  (I thought there'd be a big checklist!)  It's not as simple as it sounds, I'm sure!  

What can a church do to "equip Saints?"  Here's what I found.  Mind you, I'm no theologian!

The church leaders equip its members by...

TRAINING PEOPLE HOW TO EVANGELIZE & LIVE GODLY LIVES

Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV) Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Titus 2:11-12 (NIV) For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

Then there's the stuff for which WE are responsible... (Ideally, we are taught that we need to do these things and trained how to do them. -SEE ABOVE) 

FELLOWSHIPING & PRAYING
Acts 2:42 (NIV) They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 

STUDYING GOD'S WORD
2 Timothy 2:15(NIV) Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

LOVING ONE ANOTHER
John 13:35 (NIV) By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

HELPING EACH OTHER 

Galatians 6:2 (NIV) Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

PARTAKING IN COMMUNION
Luke 22:19-20 (NIV)  And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”  In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.^"

LOOKING AFTER THOSE IN NEED 

James 1:27(NIV) Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

Is my church doing its part?

Am I doing my part?  

Thank God for His grace!  He does want more for ALL us.  GET ON IT!

John 10:10 (NIV) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Stuff I've Learned -So Far

Here are some things that I've learned since beginning this new chapter of our lives...

• Even when one attempts to be careful, people are still likely to be hurt by sharing an experience because it is personal because we are connected through our faith.  The first thing I want for myself & others is to follow God, and the last thing I want to do is damage.  I know that God is using me and my pain for His purpose.
• The "church" is not the building.  It doesn't really matter if it is a movie theater, a gym, a school, or a cathedral --It's the presence of the Holy Spirit, the message, the people.  There is something wonderful about being in a church in which God is at work!
• EVERYBODY needs to be welcoming and friendly.  Even as a visitor/attendee, I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone!  (I even got a nice hug from a lady named Tammy last Sunday!)
• There is hope for those who suffer from Stiff Worship Syndrome.  (I saw you look over at me last Sunday!  I'm not over it yet!)
• God's Word *really* is alive and active.  Oh, my gravy. I feel like a switch has been flipped and instead of the Bible reading just history of other peoples' lives, I am reading about the my own present and the future as well!

Hebrews 4:12-13 (NIV) 

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

I'm sure that there is much more learning to come! (Some pain-free learning would be good!)

Stiff Worship Syndrome

I have a confession.... I envy people who can shut the world out and have their moment with God there in the church service.  I believe that I suffer from Stiff Worship Syndrome (SWS)!

You see, I grew up in a very conservative church in Ohio where we sat in pews and held hymnals.  In fact, the boldest thing that would ever happen during a service was when my grandpa would yell out "AMEN!" whenever the Spirit moved him!  (He tended to startle folks!) My arms had been trained from an early age to hold a hymnal... (Ever had hymnal-holding elbow?  It's a common affliction after the 5th verse!)  

Fast-forward to 1994-William & I are married and living in the Baptist state of Georgia... Occasionally, we used a hymnal, but we began singing lyrics that had been projected onto screens.  What to do with the arms?  Well, my solution was to hold on to the back of the chair in front of me.  If I was dressed properly for the time in my dress, pumps, & hose, it helped me to keep my balance especially when I shut my eyes to pray.  Over the years, I've worked on loosening my grip!

This is what I look like on the inside when I worship!

Later when we started going to the "Rock-N-Roll" church as I affectionately call it, we commonly saw people raising their hands and shutting their eyes in worship.  Nothing too crazy.  I began heel tapping and closed my eyes when I really got into it.

Recently on our church search, we're seeing more physical acts of worship -bouncing, dancing, kneeling, all of the above with the arms raised up.  People are even shouting "Hallelujah!"  I think it's great, and it doesn't really matter what I think since the worshipers aren't doing it for me, but like I said, my arms are stuck down.  It's not that my heart isn't into it. (See photo!)

Sometimes, I can make my arms flip over so that my palms face up.  :-) 

I think we need an intervention or a worship boot camp or something for people recovering from Stiff Worship Syndrome! 

Do you suffer from SWS, or do you get your worship on? 

Psalm 100:1-3 (NIV)

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. 
Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his;
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Starting Point Church

In September, friends of ours invited us to join them at a church that they were interested in called Starting Point.  The church meets in a movie theater, but since our friends invited us and there was a party with FREE BBQ lunch (bait!), we decided to check it out.

The church's lead pastor, Chris Hankins, had left his job as middle school pastor at our home church right as our oldest had moved up to middle school, so we had only heard good things about him from friends who had older children.  He had done a great job of discipling the students and training them to serve.  We saw several other familiar faces too.

Mission Valley Cinemas -Adjacent to the Ethiopian Restaurant

My first reaction was that it was very sticky.  (Ha ha!)  I was so wounded that first week and was closed off.  It was the first time that we had been to a new church as a whole family.  I also didn't want to go there to just follow our friends.  

Our younger children enjoyed their classes that met in the front of movie theater, and our middle school son, LOVED simply studying a Bible passage with a small group of other students!  The BBQ pork loin sandwiches were awesome too, and the kids got to bounce around right after eating!  (Good thing they didn't eat too much!)

A few weeks later, we went to Starting Point again to hear Chris's sermon about demons.  (Something that I've always wondered why nobody ever talked about because we really do need to know what we're up against -and that the battle is won!)  It was great, and I loved that he came out of the shoot admitting that he was no expert and that he didn't know what he was talking about other than what the Bible says.  (Maybe, that's why nobody teaches about demons!)  I love his humility!

After that service, Chris hunted us down and made a coffee date with William & me.  It was strange to feel wanted -reminding us of things that had been missing.  It was funny to feel like we were being courted. 

We had a nice "date" with Chris at Panera.  He wanted to get to know us and have an opportunity to get to know him a bit.  We were able to share our concerns about student ministries, and we left feeling that he understood us, and he gets it.  (I actually think he got it years before we did!)  He shared the vision of Starting Point:  REACH people with the love of Jesus, TRAIN people to follow Jesus, SEND people out to reach others, and grow 30 churches in 15 years!  

The first church launches in Apex in February, and our friends have boarded that ship!

We went back a 3rd time and now, a 4th time.  Tomorrow will be out 5th and 6th times as we check out the preview service for the new Apex church.  (Apex Middle School 5 pm!  Come on!)  Starting points seems to be the place to go where we are all comfortable.  If visiting new churches is "church shopping," we're taking Starting Point into the dressing room to try it on. 

The next step is connecting with more people as we continue to pray about where God wants us and how he wants us to serve -preferably using some gifts!

I am excited to see what God does next!

Luke 10:2 (NIV)

He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

"Williamsburg Christian Church"

Again, I have changed the name to protect the church and its members.  No harm intended.  (If you know me well enough, it won't take you any time to figure which church this is!)

We decided that we needed to visit "Williamsburg Christian Church" (WCC) which has ministered to our family for years through sports, home school activities, & AWANA.  We dearly love the people and these programs, and here is our honest experience from the Sunday morning we visited...

We arrived at one end of WCC's expansive building, and walked right in without a "How-dee-doo."  Now, experience has proven that I don't need 7 people to say "Hi" when I walk in, but I think that greeters do have their place in welcoming people and making sure they know where they're going.

Thankfully, a friend had told me ahead of time where and when the middle school students meet.  We dropped off our middle school student and hiked to the complete other end -no kidding it is about 1/5 mile!  We headed down one hallway to drop off our preschooler, back out to the main hallway and down to the children's area where we encountered the first person available to ask a question.  We were pointed upstairs where one daughter went down the hall to be met by several children who knew her, and they were all so excited!  Our other daughter went into to a large room, and the volunteers put her in a group with one of her friends.  That was very nice.

William & I were finally on our way to our church service.  It had taken 25 minutes to deliver our children, and consequently, we had missed most of the music!  Outside of the sanctuary was a area with benches full of people.  William thought that they were waiting to be let in like they did at our old church.  Nope.  They were just watching church on the TV outside of the sanctuary.  When we got in, I understood why...

That place was cram-packed full of people!  Most people that we saw in there were in their 50's and 60's in dresses and suits.  We were escorted by an usher about half-way to the front and stumbled over the people on the end to get to some open seats where we all sat butt cheek to butt cheek.  

The pastor at WCC is a gifted teacher.  He was working through the book of Esther verse-by-verse.  I was thankful that he concluded the message with some practical points because he was in the middle of the story, and I think that an average Joe off the street would have been totally lost to start any story in the middle like that.

Looking around the room, I wondered, "How many smaller, life-changing churches could be filled out of this crowd?"

There are only 15 minutes between each of the Sunday morning services, so the massive crowd poured out like molasses as the next herd of worshipers pushed its way in.  By the time we got to one end of the building to meet our oldest daughter, she was worried that we had forgotten her.  After we collected the younger 3, we hustled toward to the other end to meet our middle school son on his way to find us since he'd been waiting for a long while.

While trekking to and fro, we observed that the people were focused in getting to where they needed to be and didn't interact with us or anybody else.  We also passed dear friends that we've know for years who didn't think to help us because they didn't realize that it was our first Sunday visiting since they'd seen us there so much for other activities!

Our middle school student was overwhelmed by the numbers of students.  His small group was NOT the small-sized group that he needs to thrive... The girls were ecstatic about meeting up with their friends that they knew from our other activities and were very happy.  William & I found no evidence of how to get into an adult Sunday School class, we saw nobody to ask, and hadn't been invited by any friends.  It was strange and disappointing.

Having plugged in to programs at this church, I was really hoping that it would have been the place for our family.  I would love to be able to sing in a choir, play in the orchestra, and have more fellowship with families like ours who home school and have tender hearts for orphans & adoption, but we need to be in a church that is receptive to visitors and even...seekers. 

We had put off visiting this church for about 12 years because we feared its size and a possible disappointment.  Sadly, our experience was worse than we feared.  You've got to really want to be at WCC to make it happen.

Several years ago, I realized that some churches are intensively seeker & visitor-focused while others seem to cater to their own members and the christian community.   

I really wish that more churches could serve both well! 

Philippians 2:2-4 (NIV)

...then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Lost & Found

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Back in 1996 when William & I were living near Atlanta, GA, we were so excited to be expecting our first child.  We'd tried for months to conceive, so when I tested positive, we were over the moon dreaming about this new person who would be joining our family!

November 13, 1996, 15 years ago, our dream turned into nightmare as the ultrasound that followed the spotting at the very end of my first trimester indicated that our tiny child's heart was no longer beating.  I became ill at the news and my doctor scheduled a D&C for the following day.

Why would God let this happen to us?  Why would he take our baby that He knew was so wanted?  The tears flowed until there were none left.

That night, I woke up with severe cramps -every 5 minutes.  Nobody told me that this might happen!  There we were, green as grass, far from family with me in labor with our dead baby.  Blood.  Lots of blood.  Pain.  So much pain.  

I prayed for God to make it stop, for him to make my baby not dead, to turn back time.  I was in a vortex, and William felt helpless.

Our child was gone.

William rushed me to the hospital where there was nothing to do to help me -really.

Too many people said a lot of inappropriate things seemingly not comprehending that one person's life cannot be replaced with another.  (TIP:  Just say your sorry, and shut your mouth.)  Other women shared their experiences with me.  I hadn't known that 1 of 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  I was now, in the "club," and somehow that was a little bit of a comfort to know that others knew my pain.

I was pretty upset with God.  I didn't understand how or why He would let something like this happen to us.  We'd been growing in our faith a lot since hooking up with our church there, and honestly, I felt betrayed by God.

I would lie in bed crying to God every night.  My heart really, really hurt, and poor William didn't know what to say or do to help me.

One week in church, the message was about trusting God, so I laid into Him that night!  "I trusted YOU you take care of my baby, and YOU didn't!!"  That night while I was asleep, a peace came over me, and I was told, "I am taking care of your baby -better than you ever could there on earth."  

Whoa!  Freaky!!  It was awesome!  God spoke to ME, and I actually heard HIM!

As awful as the experience was, I can see how it was used to shape me into who I am and how I see things.  The four children that I have now are that much MORE precious.  I've been able to minister to other young mothers lost pieces of their hearts through miscarriage, and my faith grew so much through the pain I felt and the love I received!  

I lost a child, but I found so much faith in my God who really does love me.

I am so thankful for that life that touched mine. 

Jeremiah 29:11-14a (NIV) 
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,”...

~Blessed with Jeremy Paul 11 months later!~

"Conjunctions"

The name of this church has been changed for my blog post. In no way do I intend to cause harm.  This is me sharing my family's experience...

Freshly out of the gate after the painful departure of our church home, our family ventured to "Conjunctions Church." (CJX)  A big plus for this one is that it's located very close to home.

Still used to Saturday night church and sleeping in on Sunday, we enjoyed the luxury of the 11 am service.  Upon arrival at the renovated gym (Not a gymnasium, a work-out gym!  It's pretty cool! ), we checked our younger 3 children in at the desk. Our elementary girls were delivered to one room, and our preschooler to his.  

Our middle school dude went up into a balcony-like area (I can picture elliptical machines up there!) for the worship music part of the service and then to a small group where they studied a passage from the Bible.  He enjoyed this.

They had free "gourmet" coffee, juice, and water to drink during the service which was really nice.

Instead of the normal "take a moment and greet some people around you"-time, the pastor put message-related questions up on the screen and asked everyone to gather into groups of 4 or 5 to discuss them.  This put us out of our comfort zone, but it was a good thing because you can actually get to know something about the people around you.  (I tend to remember weird details rather than peoples' names!)

We enjoyed familiar music, a relaxed atmosphere, and a relevant, Bible-centered message.  The kids all enjoyed their classes.  Although, the girls told us that their lesson was on video.

So, we went back 2 weeks later for another try... From the sermon, we left with the impression that the church was more loosey-goosey/less fundamental than we need for our family.  The main thing is that Christ died for our sins and was raised again. Check.  BUT we understood the pastor to say that the Bible is open for interpretation and the other stuff isn't important... It's not AS important, BUT there is a lot of stuff in God's word that we need to follow for our own good because He loves us.  We can't just ignore it.

Following that, our 5th grader came out of church all pouty and refusing to talk about what she had learned.  We finally got out of her hours later that she had a disagreement with her teacher about salvation. 

When we weighed in on that 2nd visit, we saw that they were clear signs that CJX is NOT the place for us; however, having not ever met or spoken with the pastor, we really don't know where they stand.  He seems like a really nice guy, but he was not easily accessible for us to meet him either time we visited.

Disappointed and moving on...